all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize