And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This is my gift to your gina
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
