I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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