I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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