hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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