I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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