i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
