If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
