i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
