wrigley field is MILF paradise
id be glad to
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
