Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
where am i from again
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize