I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
