Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize