she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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