Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
