it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
