matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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