I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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