i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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