dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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