3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
