he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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