we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
