yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ketchup is God's man juice
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
