by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
