So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
