I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My feet surprised me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
