I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
