Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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