i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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