I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
