Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
