The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
