my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize