He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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