Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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