my vag is so smooth its legendary
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
