You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
