put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
