Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He felt like a one man threesome
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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