Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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