I got chris browned last night
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
