Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
