i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Congratulations! We have a period
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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