Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
