She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
