Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
