My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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