He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
