Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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