I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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