We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Your dad touched me again.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize