So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
