When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
