Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
