maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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