girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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