I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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