she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
