hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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