Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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