I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
