just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
