bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
