I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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