Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
