I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
